I have been doing 100 times better recently. It is much easier to talk about losing our baby and I was finally able to take the maternity clothes out of the closet and store them for next time (hopefully!) I can think about what happened and see that not only did it make me a stronger person, it made my relationship with my husband stronger and it made me a better mother to our 3 children.

It's very easy to get stressed out with day to day life and the demands of raising a family. However, since losing baby David I realize how amazing our children are and I cherish every moment we have with them. I no longer look at the fingerprints on the windows, Play-Doh mushed into the carpet or toys all over the living room and wish they would be more careful. I thank God that they are there because I know that someday I will long for them to be little again.

I have also realized how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband, who is truly my partner and friend. After having 3 kiddos in 4 years our relationship was often placed on the back burner. Our time was devoted to day-to-day activities, leaving little time for our relationship. Going through the loss of a child together has renewed the fact that we are a team. I know that I have often taken him for granted and that is no longer the case. He was my "rock" through this whole ordeal. My shoulder to cry on, my "other half". I am blessed to have married a wonderful man who is loyal and the best father I could ever hope for.

Most days things have gotten back to normal. Every once in awhile, I hear a song or see a newborn and I get teary. But the pain has subsided and I know it will be okay.

I am very thankful for all the cards, flowers, dinners and prayers from our family and friends. We are beginning to move on and the devastating loss is not so all-controlling. I still look at the crib in the bedroom and tear up. I was not able to return my maternity clothes even though some are unworn. I still cry every time I see someone new and they ask about the baby. I have a hard time seeing newborns or pregnant women. But I am hopeful that we can do this again. That we will have a chance to use the crib again. That we will be able to fulfill our dreams of adding another child to our family. Wish us luck!

Feeling better after a week of work. It was terribly hard telling everyone what happened and I cried with each and every hug. Starting to get back into the hang of things and moving on with life. David Jr. will always be my 4th kiddo, no matter what, but I know that life does go on. I am truly thankful for the 3 healthy children we have and hope that we can try again :)

It is getting a little easier day by day. Although our healing is a little stunted by the fact that we are awaiting genetic testing on the baby. My greatest fear is that they will tell us that there is something genetically wrong with us and that we will have to do genetic counseling in order to have more children. IVF is expensive and because we already have 3 healthy children I'm afraid we may choose to just be thankful for the wonderful kiddos we have.

I always knew I would have a lot of kids. As the youngest of 4 children, and the aunt of 12, I have always viewed having a large family as a blessing. I became an aunt for the first time when I was 12. Because my older sister had a difficult labor and the baby was over 10 lbs. I spent the week helping her out after my niece was born. I knew from a very early age that I was meant to be a mother. And a mother of many children. In a time when most of my friends laugh when I tell them we're "not done", and people ask if we intended on getting pregnant "again", I know that's what we are meant to do.

Baby David

Baby David was born way too early. I went for my normal 16 week check up and there was no heartbeat. Had I known better, I would not have allowed my other children to accompany me to the doctor appointment. As my OB struggled to find the heartbeat, I looked at my 5 year old daughter and said, "the baby is already being a stinker". Little did I know, he was not being a stinker, but had already passed away. There was an initial ultrasound, a more accurate ultrasound and then the news. "Your baby passed away sometime last week." We decided it was best to deliver the baby and try to avoid a D & C in order to save any damage to the uterus that would hopefully someday provide us with more children.

So.....my husband and I went to the hospital. Stayed in the same hospital room where we delivered 3 healthy children, knowing that the baby we delivered would not make it. After 10 hours of labor we delivered, David Jr., 1 oz, 6 inches. We were lucky enough to hold the baby and tell him all the dreams and wishes we had for him. Dreams and wishes that we would never see. He is now our little angel. A part of our family always...