I am very thankful for all the cards, flowers, dinners and prayers from our family and friends. We are beginning to move on and the devastating loss is not so all-controlling. I still look at the crib in the bedroom and tear up. I was not able to return my maternity clothes even though some are unworn. I still cry every time I see someone new and they ask about the baby. I have a hard time seeing newborns or pregnant women. But I am hopeful that we can do this again. That we will have a chance to use the crib again. That we will be able to fulfill our dreams of adding another child to our family. Wish us luck!

Feeling better after a week of work. It was terribly hard telling everyone what happened and I cried with each and every hug. Starting to get back into the hang of things and moving on with life. David Jr. will always be my 4th kiddo, no matter what, but I know that life does go on. I am truly thankful for the 3 healthy children we have and hope that we can try again :)

It is getting a little easier day by day. Although our healing is a little stunted by the fact that we are awaiting genetic testing on the baby. My greatest fear is that they will tell us that there is something genetically wrong with us and that we will have to do genetic counseling in order to have more children. IVF is expensive and because we already have 3 healthy children I'm afraid we may choose to just be thankful for the wonderful kiddos we have.

I always knew I would have a lot of kids. As the youngest of 4 children, and the aunt of 12, I have always viewed having a large family as a blessing. I became an aunt for the first time when I was 12. Because my older sister had a difficult labor and the baby was over 10 lbs. I spent the week helping her out after my niece was born. I knew from a very early age that I was meant to be a mother. And a mother of many children. In a time when most of my friends laugh when I tell them we're "not done", and people ask if we intended on getting pregnant "again", I know that's what we are meant to do.

Baby David

Baby David was born way too early. I went for my normal 16 week check up and there was no heartbeat. Had I known better, I would not have allowed my other children to accompany me to the doctor appointment. As my OB struggled to find the heartbeat, I looked at my 5 year old daughter and said, "the baby is already being a stinker". Little did I know, he was not being a stinker, but had already passed away. There was an initial ultrasound, a more accurate ultrasound and then the news. "Your baby passed away sometime last week." We decided it was best to deliver the baby and try to avoid a D & C in order to save any damage to the uterus that would hopefully someday provide us with more children.

So.....my husband and I went to the hospital. Stayed in the same hospital room where we delivered 3 healthy children, knowing that the baby we delivered would not make it. After 10 hours of labor we delivered, David Jr., 1 oz, 6 inches. We were lucky enough to hold the baby and tell him all the dreams and wishes we had for him. Dreams and wishes that we would never see. He is now our little angel. A part of our family always...